The One About How to Reset

Amber: Monica.

Tia: Hey, Monica

Amber: Welcome to Hey, Monica, the podcast that helps you drop the perfectionism to make space for what really matters in your home, in your food, and in your life. I'm Amber, a weight inclusive licensed nutritionist and founder of Whole You Nutrition and Meal Planning Collective

Tia: And I'm Tia, a professional home organizer and founder of Room for Serenity. On today's show, we are talking about how to reset. Standard Sunday reset trends on TikTok always show multiple hours of cleaning and organizing, and it is unattainable and undesirable for most people. This episode is not that. Instead, we will be sharing the three to five things we do to reset ourselves and our space when the week is bonkers and we are feeling it. But first, confessions. Amber, do you wanna kick us off?

Amber: Sure do. my confession is related to my patio. I a citronella candle on one of the tables not because I truly believe it's gonna keep the bugs away, but, it looks cute. It's aesthetic. I kinda like the smell of it. but earlier this summer it rained, rain got under the candle and kind of made it float. And I didn't really do anything about it when that happened. then it got to be, like, 100 degrees, and the wax melted over the top of the vessel, all over the table that it was on,

Tia: Oh, no

Amber: onto the patio. So I literally

Tia: Who would have ever thought?

Amber: waxy table and weird, gross clumps of wax, on the ground, like the

Tia: Aw.

Amber: concrete ground next to it.

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: when I saw it, I was like, "Oh, I need to clean that up." And then I thought, "Cleaning up wax when it is hot out is not going to go well." So

Tia: Hmm.

Amber: is to just leave it there until we get some freezing temperatures, and the wax hardens, and I can easily chip it away. So if anyone comes over this summer to sit on the patio with me, there is a waxy table and some weird waxy clumps on the ground, and I'm just okay with that

Tia: My goodness. Who would have ever thought that that set of circumstances would end up like that? I never would have thought, "Oh, I should probably get that water out of there, because if I don't, it's gonna melt over and make a huge citronella waxy mess

Amber: So Tia, what's

Tia: So I am notorious for forgetting that I put clothes in the washing machine, and we all know what happens when you forget the clothes in the washing machine. After a certain amount of time, they just smell like mildew, and then you have to wash them all over again. my husband is a… He's great. He's great at doing laundry. He's… He actually does, like, 95% of our laundry in our house, which I'm so thankful for. he sets it on a timer. He goes downstairs, he plays video games, sets a timer for the laundry, swaps it out 'cause he's already in the basement where the laundry is, But for me, I don't, stay up late playing video games.

Tia: I have usually three or four things all going on at the same time. So I'll start a load of laundry, and then I'll go upstairs and get a meal started, and then it's bath time for o- a kiddo, and then gotta take the dogs out, and, fast-forward, totally forgot the laundry ever existed in the first place. So I need to do a better job of either not starting the laundry when I'm crazy busy or go ahead and do that, but take the 30 seconds to pause before I leave the laundry room and set a timer on my watch or on my phone to just remind me to go back and stick it in the dryer.

Amber: Yes.

Tia: that hard. Like, why is it so hard for me to set a timer?

Amber: I need to set a timer. I set a timer for almost everything in my life these days. My brain just does not work the same way that it used to, and I

Tia: Yeah

Amber: easily. So I definitely do timers when I'm doing laundry. Just to get the stuff out of the washing machine,

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: let it sit in the dryer until I need something that's in the dryer. So it could be days

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: weeks before I like actually extract things from the dryer, depending on what's going on.

Tia: Oh, that's so funny.

Amber: hear

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: just get so stinky, and sometimes it feels like even washing them one more time doesn't get the stink out. Mm.

Tia: sometimes it's like twice to- yeah, which is like, what did I do? What did I- how did it get this bad?

Amber: Oh,

Tia: Oh, gosh. So that's a, that's a shameful moment, and every time my husband's like, "Why didn't you just set a timer?" Like, oh, God, I don't know. I don't know why. I just…

Amber: need a timer to remind me to set a timer, that's why.

Tia: All right, so let's get into today's topic, huh?

Amber: Yes. So we are talking reset. just to reiterate what Tia was saying in the beginning, this is not a deep clean, this is not a purge, this is not we're touching every surface in the house. This is just a simple, how do I get my life back to baseline kind of reset. And honestly, maybe not even full baseline, just like stepping in the direction of what your baseline is. And I think that we will notice this conversation that the things that we do are a lot less about the space and more about resetting us internally, so like that nervous system factor, that can make us feel so out of sorts

Tia: Yeah. Yeah, this is, this is also a really good reminder as to why when we're not depleted or in crisis mode, why we work to have those systems in place for organizing, for planning, for meal prepping. Because when the rug does get pulled out from under us in life,

Amber: And it

Tia: we feel, yes, we feel like we're better able to keep afloat, to accept help, and get back to normal. I'll just give a quick little example here. I think I had mentioned in the previous episode about the life

Amber: Yes

Tia: the health crisis that we had in our family.

Amber: Absolutely

Tia: and I- I'll admit our house, because we had had all that water damage in our kitchen and had to pull our dining room table aside and, just shove everything in different places, and I'm also in the middle of painting my kitchen, just it's chaotic in our house. And then this, hospital stay happened with our kiddo, and so when we had neighbors reach out to say, "Hey, we would be happy to take your dogs out of the kennel and let them outside and go to the bathroom if you just wanna stay the whole day with her at the hospital. We can come out. We can come to your house a couple times a day and just let them out," we were too ashamed to accept that, that offer because our house was so insanely chaotic.

Tia: So when I say, this is a gift to your future self, like, when things are not crazy, it really is nice to stay on top of these things because then when somebody stops over at the last minute or, is offering a- an amazing help, something like that, you don't have to feel like, "Oh gosh, like, I don't know. They'd have to step over my piles of laundry to get to my dogs,"

Amber: Which we all, I think, know?

Tia: ugh

Amber: on a deep level they wouldn't care about, but

Tia: they wouldn't.

Amber: personal…

Tia: Yeah

Amber: about this in one of the episodes, maybe the clutter

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: episode, where there is this, shame, particularly

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: for women, about how a house looks in terms of,

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: organization.

Tia: Mm-hmm

Amber: yeah, so it can be really hard to be like, "Yes, please take the dogs out. Here's where the leashes are," or, "Here's what you

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: Treats are here." It's like,

Tia: Yeah. Yeah. I know. So I, I wish I would've just been a little bit more gracious with myself and just been like, "You know what? They're offering to help. They want to help. I will allow them to do so. And if they judge me on the condition of my house given everything that our family is going through, then that's not on me, that's on them," which I don't think they would be like that.

Amber: don't think they would either. And

Tia: so

Amber: offer help because it makes them feel good to help. So it's, you can almost think about it is if you don't accept someone's offer to help when it would really be helpful to you, it's like you're taking away that gift of allowing them to do something for you that they really want to do.

Tia: Yeah. 'Cause people who really do genuinely love you and care about you, they want so desperately to do something tangible for you, resetting after a hard week, it's not about getting your life back to 100%. It is simply about getting yourself to a manageable baseline so that you can breathe again and feel a little bit more like yourself

Amber: Absolutely. our plan today is to share our list of three to five things that we do to help get us I'm using this in scare quotes, "back on track", because, like, what does that even really mean? but before we get to those things that help us, what are some of the things that cause you to drop from baseline? 'Cause I think they can be both big and small, Tia, do you wanna start with the things that make you drop from your baseline and notice that things are, again, quote unquote, "off track"?

Tia: Yeah. So when I was planning and prepping for this episode, I was still very much in the frame of mind of our family just got out of this whole children's hospital stay for five days, and we're just now kind of getting back to normal again. So the, the, the examples that came to my mind were more of the big life examples, and I'm gonna let Amber get into more of the smaller but still important reasons why your life can get off baseline too. So the things that came to me, to mind for me were sudden illness, an unexpected diagnosis, a death in the family or death of a close friend, moving, relocating, starting a new job, or bringing a new child into the family, whether that be by birth, foster, or adoption.

Tia: It's a pretty big life change. So all of those things can really shift your baseline, not only temporarily, but also permanently. it can feel super overwhelming some sort of a reset to get you back to some sort of good grounded baseline might be really helpful during those times.

Amber: Yeah, absolutely. I think all of those things for sure can be disruptive, are disruptive. Not could be, they just are. one thing that's interesting about that is I think this is where that personal reset piece that we'll talk about comes into play, because with a lot of those things, your baseline is… Maybe your baseline isn't changing, but your systems are probably changing with a lot of those things happening.

Tia: Mm-hmm

Amber: So it's not just getting back to where you were, it's like readjusting to

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: of new paradigm.

Tia: mm-hmm

Amber: I was also thinking when you're thinking about reset, more on the, general flow of life, not big life events. So, a lot of deadlines in a week, a busy client week for me, too many social activities, going on vacation and trying to figure out that whole, like, re-entry into work and being at home again. some of these things that happen on a pretty regular basis, but can feel like they just throw everything off. And I know from personal experience in the past, those are the types of things, like having a weekend that had a social event like Friday, Saturday, and Sunday would throw me off for at least the full next week or weeks at a time.

Amber: And I feel like I've gotten a little bit better about shortening the time between disruption and returning to baseline, but it's taken a lot of practice. a recent example that I think falls somewhere between, major life changes and, smaller disruptions. We remodeled a room in our home last year, and that physical space disruption of not being able to use the space in the same way or to be able to, access the door that we usually use to, leave the house, and people coming and going all of the time, that really threw me off for the entirety of the time that the work was being done. I know you have some home stuff going on too.

Amber: So on top of the, sudden illness piece of things, you also have, disrupted home space

Tia: Yeah,

Amber: that

Tia: do. Our…

Amber: because you mention it.

Tia: it does feel like this strange in-between phase for us. So yeah, let's get into, okay, what does it look like to reset? What does it look like to get yourself back to some sort of baseline when these things alter your normal flow of life?

Amber: one of the first things that I do, I will say what I was just getting at, I try to do these things as soon as I notice I'm not doing them. This has been something that I do not naturally do, but has come practice and attention. Tia was telling you before we started recording that I think working through the intuitive eating process for myself helped me get more in touch with how I'm feeling and what I actually need, and that has rippled out into some of these other areas in my life I can get lost in, the chaos of whatever for a few days. But I'm getting a lot better at being able to notice that that's what's happening, and take these small steps to start pulling myself out because I've improved that relationship with my body, and I, trust the messages that I'm getting from my body a lot more than I have

Tia: Mm-hmm

Amber: to that end, one of the things that I really find helpful in getting back to baseline is eating a real meal. So when I get stressed or overwhelmed or out of sorts, I really just wanna eat, like, cheese toast or some combination of, carbs and cheese or dairy. I know sure that can sustain me and, give me enough energy to keep going. But I feel so much better if I just eat a meal, if I have some protein, if I have some fruits or veggies, if I have some fiber, if it feels truly filling and satisfying and not just like I'm snacking my way through the day, a really important reset for me. And one of the first things that I put my attention towards is food.

Amber: How about you, Tia?

Tia: I'm not as good about that. I tend to struggle, stay on the struggle bus with food a little bit longer than maybe I should when I'm trying to reset. But for me, if I need to reset, simple things like taking a shower and going for a walk and being in nature, breathing some fresh air. Maybe even while I'm on that walk, getting on the phone, talking with a friend, having a good cry sesh, just letting it out. those kinds of things really, really help me get back to, feeling a little bit more like myself again. and then some other things that tend to help, at least for me, is if I, if I organize, like, one small space.

Tia: For example, if I've just been sick, then usually my nightstand tends to get a bit cluttered, 'cause there's like the tissues and the cold medicine and whatever else I've been using to just get by throughout the day or evening. cleaning, sanitizing that space, putting the medicine back where it belongs, getting rid of the tissues, or just generally having a little tiny reset in that area, just that one space, can make me feel like, "Oh, that feels so nice." You know? So it could be a nightstand. It could be your kitchen island. Just reset one small space, because it, it's something small and something achievable that makes you feel like you've got things put together again.

Amber: Yeah. the next two of mine that I think of, you talked about walking. Exercise is for sure one for me as well,

Tia: Yeah

Amber: time crunched or pulled out of my normal routine. I can let the habits of moving my body slide, and it truly feels terrible.

Tia: Hmm.

Amber: something I do most days, some sort of exercise, so when it doesn't happen for multiple days in a row, I can really feel that. And I do find for me personally, this could look different for other people, that cardio, not like an intense HIIT kind of situation,

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: a walk, jumping on the rebounder, doing a spin class, those are things that help me feel better, even more so than doing something like a yoga class, which might be something that people think of doing when they're feeling stressed out. I need to, move energy out of my body, so I find some of those cardio things much more helpful. and then in terms of clearing a space, mine is washing the dishes. So I think I've mentioned in a previous episode, we do not have a dishwasher,

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: and if your schedule's off for a few days, dishes are the last thing you're thinking about, so they tend to get stacked up. And this goes back to the visual clutter thing that I know we've talked about in several episodes. But just washing the dishes and getting them all, in the little drip tray thing,

Tia: Mm-hmm

Amber: is just like, "Oh, yes. Thank you." Feels

Tia: Yeah

Amber: And our kitchen is a space that we walk through pretty frequently, so having that space feel pulled back together is

Tia: Mm.

Amber: a great way to reset my internal compass.

Tia: Oh, I love that. That's really good. Another thing that helps me, especially if I've been going through, like, a particularly stressful season in life and I've been focusing more inward, is to focus outward

Amber: Hmm

Tia: bit more. getting dressed, getting out of the house, and that's the hardest thing sometimes, especially if you're really going through a tough season. Just getting dressed and going outside of your house. Go explore. Spend time in a new coffee shop with a good book. Go on a walk at a new park. Get a fancy little hors d'oeuvre from that restaurant you've always wanted to try out. visit an art museum. Just change the scenery. A lot of times we can feel stuck when we are in our everyday rhythm of life, and just exploring a different area of town or going to a place you've never been before, listening to conversations of people you typically wouldn't.

Tia: it opens up your mind to the beauty that continues to exist around you in life that you've been tuning out for such a long time, 'cause you have been so focused inward, and for good reason. But sometimes just opening up the canvas and stepping outside of your norm and going someplace new can be more of a fun, adventurous reset.

Amber: I really like that. it didn't show up in my exercise thing, but I think walking or hiking outside are the ca- like any sort of exercise helps, but if I can do it outside, because that nature piece, that change of scenery is so amazing. I'm also thinking about how I talk with clients about how do we engage all of our senses, and a lot of what you described made me think of that. what are the things that we can do to engage some of our senses so we're not so stuck in thought mode all the time?

Tia: Yeah. did you have any other reset? I don't have any other examples off the top of my head

Amber: I have a couple of other ones. one is breathing, which I recognize I don't stop doing in a crisis because otherwise I

Tia: Thank goodness.

Amber: be dead. but having that more focused type of breathing. I've been fascinated by all things vagus nerve and nervous system theory for a long time. It- I found it overlaps a lot with the nutrition work that I do. I do have a few favorite vagus nerve reset activities. One of them is Voo breathing, which is essentially you inhale and then as you exhale, you say, "Voo."

Amber: Just for a really, you know, a- as long as you're exhaling, you just say that vu, and do that a couple of times. other one is 4-7-8 breathing. So the idea of inhaling for a count of four, holding it for a count of seven, and then slowly exhaling for a count of eight, and repeating that a few times. those are things that I will do in the moment. I love doing the vu breathing in the car. I find that that's a really great place to shake some of that stuff off

Tia: Mm-hmm

Amber: breathing is awesome because you could do it anywhere and nobody knows you're doing it, you're just breathing quietly and, counting in your head. it's a great one if you're, in a waiting room somewhere or surrounded by people to be able to give yourself that mini reset.

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: then my last one is I just need to go to bed.

Amber: When things are off in my world, my sleep schedule also tends to get off. I'm more likely to stay up later wasting time watching, YouTube videos or, a comfort TV show. And what I really need to do is get myself into bed, ideally around, 9:00 PM, and just read for a little bit and go to sleep. That is a huge one for me,

Tia: my sleep routines have not been so healthy as of late, and I feel like my entire life would shift to the better if I just got that back in a good, a good place again, for sure. Easier said than done, but it's so helpful

Amber: Yeah. Yeah, I know. We're so basic. We need food, we need water, we need sleep

Tia: We need sleep. I know. Why is it so hard?

Amber: But those sometimes do feel like the hardest things.

Tia: and exercise. Yeah.

Amber: yeah.

Tia: need to move our bodies.

Amber: around.

Tia: Yeah. Mm-hmm

Amber: okay, so we had mentioned earlier that there are obviously, different levels of

Tia: Yeah

Amber: our life and what we're resetting from, and those will take different amounts of effort and time.

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: when in the process of, being disrupted by whatever it is, do you find that you start the reset piece? What is your natural tendency at this point?

Tia: For me, before I can even start contemplating any sort of a reset, I feel like I need to have my mind wrapped around what the situation is, and be able to at least see a glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel so that I can start planning for the future again. Now, granted, this is typically for when a big life shift has happened. in more recent events, for me, that was when we actually had a confirmed diagnosis for our daughter, and we had the prescribed medication in place. We knew exactly when to call the doctor and come back to the hospital if needed. We knew how long she was gonna have to stay at home before going back to daycare.

Tia: we had a plan, and then we were physically back in our home again with that plan, and that is when I felt like I could start to reset. if it was any earlier than that, it would've been a bit premature because I was in the swirl of the unknown of what in the world is happening with her and is she gonna be okay? once there was some sort of path forward, then I felt like I could start to reset, the things around me and the things in my life. And it's interesting because like we've said many times, there's this overlap of the hospital stay and then the water damage, and so like there's multiple resets happening at the same time, which is a little messy and chaotic, and that's just life.

Tia: I've done better at getting back to a baseline as far as our family rhythms and routines are concerned, but I am definitely not back to a baseline as far as the logistics of what goes where yet because our dining room table is not where it needs to be or should be. Our kitchen is still pretty chaotic and things are in places that shouldn't be there. That's a smaller issue for me. That's something that's very temporary. It's gonna be fine eventually. but it's interesting how much it impacts my daily life and makes me just feel messy,

Amber: Or just a little bit off where you know it's gonna be fine, the work

Tia: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm

Amber: done and things will get put back together, but

Tia: Yeah. It's getting there

Amber: just isn't quite right, and so there's this unsettled feeling

Tia: Yeah. I don't like

Amber: Yes, and I feel like it, it does affect other things in our life too. And even if we know that, even if we know that's the reason, it's still hard to not let it sway how other things are happening in our

Tia: Yeah. Yeah. How about you? when do you start that reset? At what point do you start realizing, "Okay, now I can try," or, "Now is the time to start getting back to baseline for me"? what does that look like for you?

Amber: I think very similar to you, it depends on what the circumstance is that has, thrown things off. If it is a major life disruption, a few years ago my stepdad was in the hospital in the last few days of his life, he lives in Duluth and I live in Minneapolis. that whole process of,

Tia: Hmm.

Amber: there and back and figuring out, I'm an entrepreneur whose work is working with people one on one. someone can't step in and do that for me.

Tia: Yeah

Amber: all of those things, that was more disruptive in a lot of ways because I had less control over the situation, and I so hate that I said that, but I feel like that sense of control over things is such a driver for me.

Tia: Hmm.

Amber: and, we don't know when people are going to die, you know? that

Tia: Yeah

Amber: something that we get to know ahead of time, so I can't neatly plan, "Well, I'll be back in the office on this day."

Tia: Yeah

Amber: longer because, like you were saying, when you were in the hospital with your daughter, before you knew the diagnosis and the protocol for treatment you're in this area where you're like, "I don't know. Are we here one more day? Are we here a month? what is happening?" And it's hard to make plans for that.

Tia: Yeah

Amber: but if it's smaller things, I can see if I have a particularly busy work week or social week. those I'm better at, pre-planning or planning around because I can see them coming. and those I'm better at pulling myself out of. Although I will say with some of the bigger life things, I might not be able to do everything to get myself back to baseline, but I'm much more aware of, the food and exercise piece of things. when I'm in the hospital, can I go for a walk even if it's just around the floors of the hospital? Can I get something that is either hot or cold to eat instead of room temperature snack food?

Tia: Temperature snack food, that's a great way to describe it.

Amber: I feel like with time I'm getting better at those things. But when something really catches you off guard or throws you for a loop, it's hard to do anything until that chaos settles a little bit more

Tia: here is where the, the heart of our podcast comes into play. Please, please don't be judgmental or place any shame on yourself if the circumstances in your life have gotten you to a place where your nutritional goals or your health goals or your organizing and meal prep, if any of that has gotten off track,

Amber: or you don't have it

Tia: it's, or you don't have a s- like, don't shame yourself for it. when things go sideways, that's the last time you should start to be feeling any sense of shame around what you should have done or what you should be doing differently. you gotta just be really super gracious with yourself, man, which is easier said than done, but it's true

Amber: All right, Tia, so we have talked about what we do to help reset ourselves when life gets disrupted in big and small ways. But what if you're on the other side of it? What if you are the friend or family member of someone who is going through one of these life-disrupting times? how can we help? 'Cause I think we all wanna help

Tia: Yeah, that can be really difficult because, sometimes we don't even know what to say when somebody's going through something really tough or even what to do, and we feel super helpless. We wanna do something, but we don't wanna do the wrong thing. And we wanna do something, but we don't wanna be intrusive. We wanna say something, but we don't wanna say the wrong thing. this is where when you go through something hard yourself, it teaches you like, "Hmm, maybe I could have done that differently, and now I know how to respond when somebody else is going through something like this." when my mom passed away about 10 years ago, it was more about who didn't say anything that was so deafeningly loud to me.

Tia: The people that I thought would be there and say things, sometimes were not the people who did, and other times it was the most random people that I was like, "What a thoughtful card," or "What a thoughtful text message. How did they even know that this happened?" You know? and here's the thing. I'm not shaming the people that didn't speak up because I was one of those people at some point that didn't know how to say something when something happened. So here's just a little, wise, sage word of wisdom from somebody who's been there. If you have somebody that's going through something really hard, don't be silent.

Tia: Say something even if it might feel like it's the wrong thing. there's never a good thing to say when somebody passes away, but saying anything is better than saying nothing at all.

Amber: Except

Tia: and,

Amber: God's plan. I feel like that's a

Tia: oh my gosh. just showing up somehow. Showing up. I'm sorry this happened. when I say showing up, the thing is, don't put the onus on the person who's grieving to tell you what you should do, 'cause a lot of people will say, "Just tell me what you need and I'll be there," or, "Let me know how I can help you." Well, somebody who's in the depth of grief is not gonna pause to strategically think about how you can be support to them. That's just adding mental load to somebody that's going through a hard time. Yeah. So then they're not gonna say anything at all, 'cause they're just gonna be like, "Hmm, I don't even know what I'm gonna eat next, so how can I tell you what to do?" So instead, what's super helpful is, food is usually one of the things that ends up dropping to the wayside when people are really going through a hard time.

Tia: So either make a fresh meal and drop it off, or offer, a DoorDash gift card for them to purchase something on their own. In fact, I usually opt for the latter because sometimes a lot of people go to c- like, dropping off food, and then you end up with a freezer full of stuff and you don't even have enough storage space in your home

Amber: gonna say in your situation where you're spending so many hours in a hospital, like having food at home isn't helpful if you're not at home.

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: So unless it's

Tia: So

Amber: situation that you could bring with and

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: a casserole

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: into the oven

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: you in that situation

Tia: Yeah. And then thinking about okay, let's put myself in their shoes. Even if you haven't lost somebody in that way, or even if you haven't gone through whatever struggle they've gone through, just do your very best to put yourself in their shoes and think about, if I were struggling right now, what's the one thing that I wouldn't want to have to think about? do they have pets? Can I help them take care of their pets? Do they have kids? Can I help watch their kids? do they live in an apartment or a house that has a bathroom that needs to be cleaned?

Amber: Yes

Tia: that's something that happened when, when my mom passed away. One of my aunts, just straight up said, "I am showing up with my cleaning supplies on Saturday morning, and I will be cleaning your bathroom, cleaning your kitchen, and cleaning your main bedrooms, and anything else that you might want. But those are the things I'm gonna focus on. I'm gonna be in. I'm gonna be out. I'm not gonna disrupt you. If you have guests stopping by to visit, I won't be in their hair." and this was, within a day or two of, of my mom passing. I might have the exact details of all this. I'm sure my dad's probably gonna listen to that and be like, "That wasn't at all when it happened." but the idea is they just said, "I'm gonna do this tangible thing for you, and there's no question about it.

Tia: I know that you need to have it done, and this is probably isn't gonna be a time when you wanna be cleaning your toilet. So I'm gonna do it for you."

Amber: It's advice that I've heard in so many different places, that idea of offer something specific. Don't just say, "I'm here for you," or, "What can I do to help?" think the other side of it, too, I'm thinking about my own personality. if you offer somebody something they say no, accept it. I need to process for myself before I'm ready to accept help or bring other people in a lot of times. So sometimes if someone's like, "I'm gonna do this for you," I'm like, "No, I don't want that right now."

Tia: Yeah. Yeah. Listen.

Amber: the effort, it's just, it feels too much in that moment. So if you offer something and someone is like, "Thanks, but no thanks,"

Tia: Yeah, I can't take it personally. They're going through a hard time, and everybody's gonna process it differently. It's true. Mm-hmm.

Amber: were even saying, was it on the podcast or before? I don't remember now. That someone had offered to come over and take your dogs out while you were in the hospital, but with the

Tia: Yeah.

Amber: situation, you were like, no one can come in this house."

Tia: I know. I felt, felt like there was no way. I know, but that was so, it was so kind of them to do that. It really was. that was probably one of those times when I probably could have done a better job allowing someone to help me in a very tangible way that truly we actually needed in the time. we really did. We could have really benefited from that. I know. I know. So I should probably, listen to my own advice here.

Amber: But I bet the, the whole, the thought that counts, I'm sure you still felt so touched these people reached out and offered to do this for you, even if you did not take them up on the offer.

Tia: Yeah, it did. Mm-hmm

Amber: Okay, so I'm gonna wrap us up here. We have talked about things that help us with our baseline reset, perhaps our listeners, resonated with some of the things that we say, but they might have other things that help them here's just a couple of questions that can help you figure out what might help with a baseline reset in your world. And I think the biggest one, does doing this thing give me a sense of relief? And the reason that I think that is so important is often when we're in the thick of something, we're doing stuff that makes us feel worse. And so if we can figure out a tiny thing that gives us some sense of relief rather than a sense of, like, stuckness,

Tia: Mm-hmm.

Amber: that can be one of those, baby steps towards baseline. another question you could ask is, can I do this in under 10 minutes or with very minimal effort? 'Cause we're ta- again, we're talking baby steps, so we want relief and we want low effort. what are those things in your world that would bring you those two things? And then the big one, and I think this is what the whole crux of our podcast, are you doing this for yourself or are you doing it because you feel like you should do it?

Tia: Oh, yes. Snaps. that's a big one. Mm-hmm

Amber: Yeah. 'Cause I think there's so many ways that we assume we should be showing our grief or our stress, and if we're not doing it in the right way, that, we should be doing th- things differently. And ugh, the shoulds. The shoulds just really, get outta

Tia: Ah, great. I know, I know. Yeah, I like that one. That's my favorite one.

Amber: Yeah.

Tia: so

Amber: why we have a podcast.

Tia: so onto our next section. What is working now? What's working now for you, Amber?

Amber: So one of the things that is, in the process of working now doing some PT exercises for my knee. my knee doesn't bother me all of the time, but it's been a little zingy here and there when I go downstairs or walk down hills sometimes. So I reached out to a PT and I was told that I have PFP, which is sometimes called runner's knee, patellofemoral pain syndrome, which apparently just means, the tendons that attach to your knee. I got some PT exercises to be doing, and it is guessed that it is probably due to either tight hip muscles and/or weak quads, which was really interesting to hear. And I have been told in the past that it seems like my hamstrings are stronger than my quads, or maybe not stronger, but, not balanced in the way that they are for most people, so that resonated with me as a likely, likely

Tia: Interesting. Huh

Amber: some exercises that focus on building up quad strength and stretching my hips, and it seems to be helping so far, and is an easy thing for me to add because I already have a consistent workout routine. this is, 10 minutes of movement I add on to the end of something I'm already doing anyway,

Tia: That's fantastic.

Amber: I

Tia: Yeah

Amber: necessarily be the case for everyone, but that I was able to, slot it in and stack it with something I was already doing in a way that made sense.

Tia: That's awesome. Habit stacking. I love habit stacking. Yes.

Amber: It really does work.

Tia: it does.

Amber: about you? What's working now for you, Tia?

Tia: All right. Well, I'm gonna do a little addition from what was working now in the last episode. So in the last episode, I was talking about how I like to write expiration dates on the top of medication, and so I'm gonna also append something to that. Another thing that really works Is we have two different organizing systems for adult medication versus children's medication, which is so critically important because you never want to give a child adult ibuprofen or Tylenol or whatever. they are very different and so you never wanna get them mixed up. we legitimately have a red container for anything that is children's medication, and then anything that's not in a red container, typically a clear bin, would be our adult medication.

Tia: So any time it's like 3:00 in the morning and one of our kids has spiked a fever, we've got bleary eyes, we need to go grab the meds, we've got it. It's the red container. that's the one that has the kids' meds in it. You grab from that one. I would strongly recommend that for any parent that has young kids in their house

Amber: That is so simple and so smart.

Tia: Yeah

Amber: I think that's all for today. So if you liked today's episode, you can support the show by telling your friends or leaving us a five-star review on Apple Podcast or Spotify

Tia: If you have questions about the show or suggestions for future episodes, you can send us an email at heymonicapodcast@gmail.com. All show notes and links are available at heymonicapodcast.com.

Amber: Thea helps busy professionals with kids who have amazing systems at work but no energy left to create organized systems at home. Book a free consultation at roomforserenity.com or get organizing tips and tricks from her on Instagram. Her Instagram handle is @room_for, that's F-O-R, _serenity.

Tia: Amber supports individuals exhausted by dieting who want to improve their relationship with food and body. You can learn more and book a free connection call at wholeyounutrition.com. Amber also hosts a virtual community and co-working space dedicated to planning realistic, satisfying, and nourishing meals that actually taste good. Find more and join the collective at mealplanningcollective.com

Amber: Bye, Monica

Tia: Five